There's an Elephant in My Room

There's an elephant in my room, a very large elephant, I might add...actually, she is really quite humongous. She is not only taking up all the space, she is taking in all the air as well. It is getting really hard to breathe.

There's an elephant in my room, but somehow, only I seem to notice her. You come in and go out as if she weren't there. So I thought, if I ignore her, if I keep very still, if I pretended she is not there, then maybe, she won't be there!

There is an elephant in my room. At first, I didn't mind her all that much because she didn't take up too much space, and also, I thought she looked sort of cute – an exotic addition to an otherwise drab room. But last week, as I tried to leave the room, I noticed that I had to press hard against the doorpost. That hurt a little, so I begun to get worried and mentioned her to you, but you still couldn't seem to see her, so I ignored her and thought perhaps she wasn't there.

Yesterday, I wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't find the bed! The elephant has grown so big lately, she has covered my bed, my favourite chair, her trunk has no space, so now I have to leave the window open throughout so that it can hang through there. But still you don't see her and every time I start to talk about her, you get up and leave. You walk right through her as though she weren't there!

There's an elephant in my room. But it is only I that seems to see her.

What's love got to do with it?

In 1984 Tina Turner's hit single "What's love got to do with it" made it to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and stayed there for 3 weeks. Its popularity even today (it is ranked No. 38 on the Songs of the Century), seems to imply that there are many people who agree with her, love is but a 'second-hand emotion' and that a breakable heart is of absolutely no value to anyone! I assume she is referring to romantic love and going by her life story, she has been to the 'school of hard knocks' and back again as far as that is concerned, so I will not fault her for her sentiments.

Judging by some very interesting events unfolding around me lately, I may be able to give a clearer picture about what love has to do with "it". Unlike I had expected when I asked what this thing called love is, I cannot answer Tina in a single statement but instead, I can tell her..

...When she spends more time on the phone with him....
when he hops onto the next bus out of town, to be with her...
When she smiles mysteriously, seemingly at nothing...
When he steps out of a meeting, just to call her...
When she enjoys making a home cooked meal after a long day at work...
When he starts making plans for his future with her in all of them...

Then, I think, it is perfectly safe to say, Tina, that love has everything to do with it!

Time doesn't heal everything

It is often said that time heals everything. I don't think it really does.
Time doesn't heal everything, but time changes the way you see everything.

Time changes the way you see your baby as she walks down the aisle on the arm of a man as they promise each other 'happily ever after'...

Time changes the way you see your indomitable parent who now needs your help up and down the stairs because their body, well, it just no longer is what it used to be...

Time changes how you see a painful break up which you swore never to get over, with your teenage sweetheart who is now in his third marriage.....

Time changes how you see your younger sister on whom you spent years "knocking sense into her head" but whom you now call up for advice every now and again....

Time changes how you see a lost opportunity you had to go to college, when you decided to devote your time and energy getting to know your very young kids....

Time changes how you see the death of your closest and dearest when you realise it is 20 years later and you still have great memories about them and they seem like they happened just yesterday.....

Time doesn't heal everything, not completely, not always...
But time changes how you see everything, completely.....always.

What is this thing called Love?

Some months ago, I got tired of watching the flurry of activity going on around me and having none of the action. Days had gone by without a single one of my "facebook friends" saying or doing anything in my corner so I figured out the best way to get everyone's attention would be to talk about something we all understand. I decided to start a conversation about LOVE.

After posing the question "what is this thing called love" I realised soon enough that nobody seemed to really have the foggiest idea how to define this so called "universal language". I got a few fumbling answers, some text book responses, but nothing satisfactory. Still, I was happy, at least someone was reading and posting something on my wall.

Next, to spice things up, I came up with a philosophical sounding conclusion saying something about love not being an emotion but a decision...really serious high sounding stuff, if I may say so myself. Now that really caught everyone's attention. All of a sudden, they "knew" what love was, or perhaps what it was not....and I got some colourful analogies of how unanticipated love is, most of which I dare not repeat here.

Finally, thoroughly fired up by the attention I was getting, I posted a very romantic quote and not unexpectedly, my "facebook wall" became a hive of activity....My mission was accomplished.

What was really funny about all this though, is that everyone assumed it was romantic love I was asking about. Nobody spoke of the different types of love that we have – a parental love perhaps, the type of love that believes in you even when to the rest of the world it is evident that you have clearly lost your way; or filial love – the kind that you have for your siblings because you know they are yours no matter what you do, and there is just no getting rid of them (love you sis!)....or the kind of love that makes a sister or a brother out of a friend (much like you, "L").

I pose the question again, "What is this thing called Love?"

Venus and Mars Collide

I cannot think of a time I was more embarrassed than earlier this year when my attempts at showing appreciation of one of my friends went terribly sour!

At the dawn of the new year, as you were making your new year's resolutions all of which by now are broken, I was doing something far more exciting. I did a thorough inventory of my friendships and came to the conclusion that there was one friend I was treating particularly shabbily.

This particular friend is quite resourceful in a profession that I am new to, so from time to time, I call him up when I need technical help. This is not a bad thing, of course, what are friends for? However, the problem is I had only looked him up specifically when I needed help, and never otherwise (tsk! tsk!)

So, in the spirit of new beginnings and making amends, I purposed to call him up when I don't need help and just have a good old chat. This seemed like a perfectly grand idea to me until the last minute of the evening we were supposed to meet up for a drink and a chat when this friend balked!

After replaying the incident several times in my head and with a few consultations here and there from member of the less fare sex, I think I may have unravelled the mystery. He thought I was hitting on him! A single unattached woman, on a mission, offering rather assertively to buy him a drink, out of the blues, and not asking for any favours as was the custom, may have been all too much for him!

I have since abandoned that mission and set out on one that I hope will be greatly beneficial to the entire human race, well, perhaps the entire woman race - an in depth analysis of the theory that men are from mars and women from venus. Any volunteers, guys? I promise, I won't offer to buy you a drink!

Symbiosis versus parasitism

Yesterday I was feeling weighed down by some stuff that has been on my mind for quite some time. A very dear friend of mine offered to take me out for coffee and try and cheer me up a little, but considering this would be the second time in as many weeks, my first instinct was to decline...I mean, who wants to be seen as 'that' sort of friend – the one who is always down in the dumps and needs lifting up?

Anyway, somehow the coffee did happen and as a matter of fact, it turned out not to be a 'tissues and hankies' affair but a very interesting current affairs discussion.

This reminds me of a very curious bougainvillea plant I once saw. Generally, the bougainvillea is a low growing, creeping bush. It is often grown as a fence or along walls which only reach up to about 3 metres high. However this particular bougainvillea plant had found a 30 feet tree and attached itself to it. As a result, it was towering way above all the others and I could see its beautiful flowers from a great distance off. I am very sure it was enjoying the plentiful sunshine and the fresh air way up there. In return, the otherwise common looking tree was transformed into a beautiful, flower covered tree.

Like the bougainvillea, I realised, it is necessary to benefit from my friend's strengths. No one person has it all together within themselves. While giving help to my friend when she needs it and accepting hers in return, I am actually forming a symbiotic alliance, sort of like the bougainvillea and the tree. As to who is the bougainvillea and who is the tree..... that is a story for another day!