There's an Elephant in My Room

There's an elephant in my room, a very large elephant, I might add...actually, she is really quite humongous. She is not only taking up all the space, she is taking in all the air as well. It is getting really hard to breathe.

There's an elephant in my room, but somehow, only I seem to notice her. You come in and go out as if she weren't there. So I thought, if I ignore her, if I keep very still, if I pretended she is not there, then maybe, she won't be there!

There is an elephant in my room. At first, I didn't mind her all that much because she didn't take up too much space, and also, I thought she looked sort of cute – an exotic addition to an otherwise drab room. But last week, as I tried to leave the room, I noticed that I had to press hard against the doorpost. That hurt a little, so I begun to get worried and mentioned her to you, but you still couldn't seem to see her, so I ignored her and thought perhaps she wasn't there.

Yesterday, I wanted to go to bed, but I couldn't find the bed! The elephant has grown so big lately, she has covered my bed, my favourite chair, her trunk has no space, so now I have to leave the window open throughout so that it can hang through there. But still you don't see her and every time I start to talk about her, you get up and leave. You walk right through her as though she weren't there!

There's an elephant in my room. But it is only I that seems to see her.

Read me my Eulogy Now!

I've been waiting a long time now to  craft this entry with perfectly, but that time just doesn't seem to be coming around so I will just get on with it!

Last week, while I was still in the "waiting for the perfect words" period, I got an email from a number of girlfriends sending me virtual flowers and lots of good wishes. The email starts off by saying

"
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend 
while I'm here,
than a whole 
truck load when I'm gone....

...and since this pretty much sums up what I had been thinking all along, I take it as a sign that I am supposed to write it right away, perfectly or not.

Late last year, I celebrated the 50th birthday of a dear cousin (who doesn't look a day older than 20) and one of  the gifts her long-time friend gave her was a reading of her eulogy. I thought that was really sweet and totally appropriate. After all, who wants people to say all the good things about them when they are dead and gone, and all that's left of them is their lifeless body that cannot hear a thing that is being said?

If you have something nice to say about me, say it to me now. If there are things I do that inspire you to be a better person, let me know. If my life's little victories spur you on to greater accomplishments of your own, share that with me. If there is any way I have impacted your life, tell me now. Don't let me go through life thinking that I may never have made a great difference in any one's life or that my life is lived solely for me. Don't let me die not knowing that what I have struggled through has been worth the while because it gave strength to you.

Read me my eulogy now!

And also....I would truly rather have a single rose from you now, than a garden-full of them when I am gone.

I want to be just like my mum!

Although she may not know it, I think about my mum a lot. She is the absolute best mum in the entire universe, so much so, that i want to be just like her!

My mum is creative. Although I never wore the trendiest clothes, I always wore the best clothes my mother could afford and I felt smarter than any other child alive. I find it hard explaining to my daughter how stunning I looked in a sun dress especially tailored for me from fabric left off from my mother's own dresses, with white socks pulled to the knees and my highly polished school shoes, the one good pair of shoes I had.

My mum is a great and adventurous cook. Whenever I manage to burn water or over-salt the tea, I think of the disgrace I am to this amazing woman who has always taken great pride her cooking. Left over rice or bread was amazingly turned into a delicious, sugary pudding, and it is from my mother's very own kitchen that I first tasted meat pies that actually have meat in them and a yummy crunchy crust.

My mum knows the value of time and she passed on this very important lesson to me. She is never late for an appointment – in fact, she taught me to always plan my travel and arrive 15 minutes early, a lesson I find that really handy since it means I don't turn up panting and sweating for important meetings, but rather have time to compose myself and have an advantage over everyone else.

My mum never has an idle moment. She is constantly on the move, making sure this is done and the other is planned for. Organising farm activities, household chores, travel time, meal menus, charity and social events. She runs lives life so purposefully, even her recreation time doesn't just "happen"!

My mum is full of love. I cannot think of a place I am more assured of love and appreciation "no matter what", than when I am with my mum. Even through my stormy teenage years, I never once felt less loved by my mum, regardless of what I did or said. If there is one thing I have learnt from my mum about mothers, it is that a mother's love never gives up!

The greatest lesson I learnt from mum, however, is to believe, love and respect God. Growing up, not going to church was never an option. You just went! And I might add, you never turned up at church in any old clothes – you had to go in your "Sunday best" and carry yourself with decorum. It is my mother's constant prayers and firm faith in God that set me on the path to discovering a faith of my own and now, just like my mum, I know that I was created for a very special purpose by a God who loves me and who always watches over every detail of my life.

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Everyone has some incidences in their past that they would like to erase...the kind that bring back the sinking feeling with the same intensity it had 10 years back each time they think about it. I certainly have a few of those! A sunny day suddenly looks dark and overcast in the shadow of past failures and memories of lost chances.

The extreme opposite of the haunting past is the unknown and looming future. What if I do not live beyond today? What if my bank account never hits the million mark! What if my children finish high school and I cannot afford to send them to college? What if I never get married and die an old maid?!

My verdict? The past belongs in the past. Only the lessons learnt should make it to the present. As for tomorrow – why die twice if you are going to have to die anyway? Don't let yesterday or tomorrow steal your joy from today!

What's love got to do with it?

In 1984 Tina Turner's hit single "What's love got to do with it" made it to number one on the Billboard Hot 100 and stayed there for 3 weeks. Its popularity even today (it is ranked No. 38 on the Songs of the Century), seems to imply that there are many people who agree with her, love is but a 'second-hand emotion' and that a breakable heart is of absolutely no value to anyone! I assume she is referring to romantic love and going by her life story, she has been to the 'school of hard knocks' and back again as far as that is concerned, so I will not fault her for her sentiments.

Judging by some very interesting events unfolding around me lately, I may be able to give a clearer picture about what love has to do with "it". Unlike I had expected when I asked what this thing called love is, I cannot answer Tina in a single statement but instead, I can tell her..

...When she spends more time on the phone with him....
when he hops onto the next bus out of town, to be with her...
When she smiles mysteriously, seemingly at nothing...
When he steps out of a meeting, just to call her...
When she enjoys making a home cooked meal after a long day at work...
When he starts making plans for his future with her in all of them...

Then, I think, it is perfectly safe to say, Tina, that love has everything to do with it!

Comment, comment!! Do comment!!

After sitting here, impatiently drumming my fingers on the table and waiting for all you loyal readers to comment on my posts, I discovered (thanks to you "B") that a technical glitch had disabled this function.

The good news is, I have sorted it out. The bad news is....I have missed out on your valuable feedback!

So now please, comment away my dears, I am dying to hear what you have to say!

My Terminal Condition

I just found out that I am suffering from a terminal condition. I watched my mother grapple with it, but I never thought it would happen to me. Certainly not when I was sweet-sixteen, fancy free and knew everything a girl needs to know about anything that really mattered, like music, clothes, love, guys......which my mum knew nothing about.

On the chance that someone else out there may be suffering the same disease I have, in total ignorance, I thought I should speak out and share my experiences so that you know you are not suffering alone.

The first symptom I realised I had is noise-intolerance. For some strange reason, my ears have become sensitive to noise. Especially the noise my daughter chooses to call music. Every time the volume button hits 12, I have to scream "turn that thing down", just like my mother did, or else I shall surely lose my mind.

I also noticed that I have now acquired, just like my mum, the most overwhelming urge to rest my eyes in front of the TV especially after 11pm and particularly during a movie. Mum always does that and I have been  assuming that she is falling asleep and ask her to give in and just go to bed. Every single time she replies "I am not sleeping, I am just resting my eyes".  I never understood it before, but now it makes perfect sense to me!

Another symptom I noticed I have is that I seem to have suffered a total loss of the sense of  what's "cool". I first noticed this when I tried to surprise my daughter by buying her new clothes. It was not her birthday, not Christmas, she had not had to sing about it for some months, no special occasion.... I was just being cool. I felt really cool about it until I noticed after some weeks that the "totally cool" clothes were not being used for anything else apart from staying in the house. I mean...the jeans. I would have killed to get them (in my day), close fitting and flared at the bottom, totally "hip" there is no way MY mum would have bought them for me, and they cannot make it past the door?!!

The most disturbing thing I noticed, however, is that I must be losing the ability to speak intelligibly or perhaps I suffer permanent voice loss! Every time I issue instructions to the kids, they either cannot understand or they cannot hear me. I am very sure about this because I find myself having to repeat the same instructions over and over and over again, before I finally get some response. Just to prove my point, my Saturday nights go something like this:

9.30pm – "Its bedtime, turn off the telly, tidy up and go to bed"
10pm – "Girls, I said it's bedtime, turn off the telly, tidy up and go to bed!"
11pm – "DID I NOT SAY IT'S BEDTIME?!!! TURN THAT TV OFF OR I WILL MOVE IT TO MY BEDROOM FOR GOOD. AND TIDY UP BEFORE YOU GO TO BED!!"

Finally, they do go to bed, but I think my speech must have got warbled up at the end because the living room, the bedroom and any other room they have been to is in a thorough state of disarray!

I don't know what this condition is called, but I have watched my mother live with it. To anyone else out there who finds themselves in the same predicament – you are not alone!